- Sue: "Mom! The dryer ate my legwarmers again."
- Frankie "How many times do I have to tell you? No putting wet stuff in the dryer anymore! - Pilot
- "I can't go to school today. My hair is stringy, my face is too oval and I have NO friends." - The Jeans
- "I think Axl's being a baby. Embarrassment is an important part of sports. My coach told me that." - Homecoming
- Mike: We waited too long to tell Sue about unicorns.
Sue: That was embarrassing. I did a whole science project on them.
'12 Year Old Sue: The unicorn's primary food source is rainbows. But they have also been known to eat clouds. - A Birthday Story
- "Oh my god I've won. I've won a contest! Aaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!!! I won a trip to New York!" - Hecks on a Plane
- Frankie: I am trying to build memories for our family. Memories for our daughter so she has something to write about besides form lettuce.
Sue: You read my diary?
Frankie: We all have.
Brick: It's no menopause. - Hecks on a Plane
- "In high school, do we call it the caf? Because when Hannah Montanna went to high school, they called it the caf." - Forced Family Fun: Part 1
- "Mom! Axl chip clipped my eye! It really hurts, but I left it on to show you what he has done." -Forced Family Fun Part 2
- Frankie: Sue, are you ok?
Sue: No not at all. All of a sudden, Matt turned into the worlds worst kisser.
''Frankie: What do you mean?
Sue: Out of nowhere, he puts his-his tongue into my mouth. Oh, my God! What it that? Who does that?
Sue: I can't help but feel sorry for him. It's like he totally forgot how to kiss. I mean, what place does a tongue have in kissing?" - Valentine's Day III
- Sue: Oh my god! He did it again. This time I tried to keep my mouth closed, but it still got in there somehow. It's almost like he's doing it on purpose.
Frankie: Yeah, Sue, here's the thing. He is doing it on purpose.
Sue: What? Why? Why would he do something like that? It's so mean.
Frankie: Yeah, well it might seem mean to you now, but, you know, some people like it.
Sue: Who? Who would like that? It's like having an eel in your mouth.
Frankie: Oh, come one Sue, there are two girls that are pregnant in your class right now. You never heard of french kissing?
Sue: Whoa. Wait a minute. That's french kissing?
Frankie: Yeah, what did you think it was?
Sue: I thought it was kissing during a rainbow.
Frankie: Wow! We really need to talk more often. - Valentine's Day III
- I am growing up. Look at me. I'm in line for a Justine Bieber Concert! - The Concert
- Sue: Well, you know how I had an overbite-crossbite? Seems they overcorrected, and now I have an underbite-overbite.
Frankie: Is that even a thing?
Sue: The doctor says it's unprecedented. I'm devastated. This is a catastrophe! - The Paper Route
- Sue: But what if nobody ever loves me like that again?
Axl: Ugh. Why do you not listen to me? I told you before, guys could... [sighs] ... like you.
Axl: Trust me. I see a lot of girls where I go "How does she have a boyfriend", but you know what? They do, so why not you?
Axl: What are you doing right now?
Sue: Well, I was going to write out the entire lyrics to "Irreplaceable" by Beyonce and send it to Matt.
Axl: Okay, you're not doing that. - The Paper Route
- I went from being invisible, to being mistaken for an Asian flu. I tried changing myelf, but it didn't work - The Guidance Counselor
- Sue: Do you guys have favorite kids?
Frankie: I like those Donahues.
Sue: No, of us. Mom, I really want to know this. Do you guys have favorite kids, among us kids? Do you guys have favorites?
Frankie: Honey, don't be ridiculous. Parents love all their kids infinitely. If there's infinite love, then it's not possible to love one more than the other because infinite love is infinite.
Mike: Guess I'd say Axl.
Frankie: Mike! - Last Whiff of Summer :Part 1
- Sue: Of course, it would make sense that Axl would be your favorite. You spend more time with him, and he's a boy and everything, and I've got to own that.
Mike: Sue, he's not my favorite. It's just a dumb thing I said.
Sue: [hand up] Owning it. But it's not enough to just own it. I have to fix it. And that's why I'm declaring this, "The Summer of Sue and Dad" [shows Mike a big binder photo album book].
Mike: Wow. That's a... big book.
Sue: Yes, it is. And you and I are gonna fill every single page with special memories we make starting now. [snaps picture] ' - Last Whiff of Summer: Part 1
- I am calm confident and in control. I am ready. I AM NOT READY! - Halloween III The Driving
- This one says "I'm going commando". I don't really get it, but I do support the military. - Halloween III: The Driving
- Sue: You're just mad because your girlfriend is out of town.
Axl: She's at a wedding, which is something you'll never be at. I suggest buying a wacky hat and starting your cat collection now.
Sue: That's not even an insult. I love cats! - Valentine's Day IV
- Sue: "No! It's rigged!"
Frankie: "It's not rigged Sue."
Sue: "Then how come the wheel of pain always lands in me?"
Mike: "Tonight of life in general?" - Wheel of Pain
- I can't loose my party. It's my Sweet 16. It's the only birthday with it's own adjective. - Wheel of Pain
- "That punch in the face was a real slap in the face." - Dollar Days
- Sue: Did I mention that the examiner said it was the single greatest piece of driving he's ever seen?
Frankie: I'm sure you did great, honey.
Mike: She did do great. Sue, you're an excellent driver.
Sue: Can I drive the family to Graduation?
Mike: Absolutely not. - The Graduation
- I wrote a killer essay called "Leading when no one is looking, listening or letting you. - The Drop Off
- " Oh my gosh! I can get a job, I'm sixteen, I'm so lucky! Mom, will you drive me to the mall today? -The Potato
- Sue: This is so hard. It's like Sophie's choice. My friend Sophie is getting a puppy for her birthday, and she can't decide between a corgi and a beagle.
Frankie: You know, Sue, there's also a movie called "Sophie's Choice".
Sue: Oh, really? Was it about dogs? Was it sad? Oh, wait. Don't spoil it for me. - The Potato
- "He is a musician, and a poet, and he can parallel park like nobody's business!" - The 100th
- "My American Girl babysitting manual did not prepare me for this!" - The Kiss
- Sue: How about we run out of the house yelling 'fire' and when the Glossners follow us out, we lock them out
- Brick: I was thinking about starting an actual fire! -The Kiss
- "Our house is going to be like a magical Christmas wonderland." - The Christmas Tree
- "Oh no, I'm allergic to Christmas!" - The Christmas Tree
- "I rode the caffeine pony and it took me to the depths of hell. - Major Anxiety
- "I am going to East Indy, Axl whether you like it or not!" -Hecks on a Train
- "I have no cord, no yearbook. It's like I walked on sand and didn't leave any footprints, and not the Jesus kind because that was really cool." -The Graduation
- Sue: Everytime I go, he says three more months. I go in March, he says three more months, I go in June aand he says three more months! See, I marked it on the calendar.
Brick: Maybe while you were marking things on the calendar you could marked the first day of school. -Unbraceable You
Sue: I can just kiss seargeant of arms goodbye!
Axl: not with that mouth you can't! -Unbraceable You
- "Did somebody say, CAKE?!" - Not Your Brother's Drop Off
- "That's the BEST party that I've been to, and not just because I've been to four -Find My Hecks
"We may be in temporary housing, but we're not temporary people!" Look Who's Not Talking
Sue: Look, I believe I was very cool about you dating my best friend, but I didn't know it meant that you would be there all the time, even when she's not here!Axl: Last time I checked, Lexie's dad is paying the rent, so what Lexie wants, Lexie gets. And what Lexie wants is all this, and Lexie's dad wants me to eat your chips. -Adult Swim
Axl: I married April!
Sue: My brain can't processs the fact that you said 'married' so I assumed you said 'carried', like over a puddle
Axl: Yeah, I carried her...into the Winnebago after I married her! -A Verry Marry Christmas
"Why are you insulting me by not telling me your insult?" -Role of a Lifetime
"How many times do I have to tell you? If there's an extra penny left in the tip jar, we'll have to rotate who gets it!" -Thanksgiving IX
"Axl, you listen to me. You are on the edge of your first step into adulthood. If you don't go into that building right now you'll regret it for the rest of your life!" -The 200th