Season 1Edit

"Mom, the dryer ate my legwarmers again." - Pilot 


"I can't go to school today. My hair is stringy, my face is too oval and I have NO friends." - The Jeans


"Everything just seems impossible." - Signals


Season 2Edit

"I think Axl's being a baby. Embarrassment is an important part of sports. My coach told me that." - Homecoming


Mike: We waited too long to tell Sue about Unicorns.

Sue: That was embarrassing. I did a whole science project on them.

12 Year Old Sue: The unicorn's primary food source is rainbows. But they have also been known to eat clouds. - A Birthday Story 


"Oh my god I've won. I've won a contest! Aaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!!! I won a trip to New York!" - Hecks on a Plane 


Frankie: I am trying to build memories for our family. Memories for our daughter so she has something to write about besides form lettuce.

Sue: You read my diary?

Frankie: We all have.

Brick: It's no menopause. - Hecks on a Plane


Season 3Edit

"In high school, do we call it the caf? Because when Hannah Montanna went to high school, they called it the caf." - Forced Family Fun: Part 1


Frankie: Sue, are you ok?

Sue: No not at all. All of a sudden, Matt turned into the worlds worst kisser.

Frankie: What do you mean?

Sue: Out of nowhere, he puts his-his tongue into my mouth. Oh, my God! What it that? Who does that?

Frankie: Well...

Sue: I can't help but feel sorry for him. It's like he totally forgot how to kiss. I mean, what place does a tongue have in kissing?" - Valentine's Day III


Sue: This time I tried to keep my mouth closed, but it still got in there somehow. It's almost like he's doing it on purpose.

Frankie: Yeah, Sue, here's the thing. He is doing it on purpose.

Sue: What? Why? Why would he do something like that? It's so mean.

Frankie: Yeah, well it might seem mean to you now, but, you know, some people like it.

Sue: Who? Who would like that? It's like having an eel in your mouth.

Frankie: Oh, come one Sue, there are two girls that are pregnant in your class right now. You never heard of french kissing?

Sue: Whoa. Wait a minute. That's french kissing?

Frankie: Yeah, what did you think it was?

Sue: I thought it was kissing during a rainbow.

Frankie: Wow! We really need to talk more often. - Valentine's Day III


I am growing up. Look at me. I'm in line for a Justine Bieber Concert! - The Concert


Sue: Well, you know how I had an overbite-crossbite? Seems they overcorrected, and now I have an underbite-overbite.

Frankie: Is that even a thing?

Sue: The doctor says it's unprecedented. I'm devastated. This is a catastrophe. - The Paper Route


Sue: But what if nobody ever loves me like that again?

Axl: Ugh. Why do you not listen to me? I told you before, guys could... [sighs]  ... like you.

Sue: Really?

Axl: Trust me. I see a lot of girls where I go "How does she have a boyfriend", but you know what? They do, so why not you?

Axl: What are you doing right now?

Sue: Well, I was going to write out the entire lyrics to "Irreplaceable" by Beyonce and send it to Matt.

Axl: Okay, you're not doing that. - The Paper Route


I went from being invisible, to being mistaken for an Asian flu. - The Guidance Counselor 


Season 4Edit

Sue: Do you guys have favorite kids?

Frankie: I like those Donahues.

Sue: No, of us. Mom, I really want to know this. Do you guys have favorite kids, among us kids? Do you guys have favorites?

Frankie: Honey, don't be ridiculous. Parents love all their kids infinitely. If there's infinite love, then it's not possible to love one more than the other because infinite love is infinite.

Mike: Guess I'd say Axl.

Sue: Dad!

Frankie: Mike! - Last Whiff of Summer :Part 1


Sue: Of course, it would make sense that Axl would be your favorite. You spend more time with him, and he's a boy and everything, and I've got to own that.

Mike: Sue, he's not my favorite. It's just a dumb thing I said.

Sue: [hand up] Owning it. But it's not enough to just own it. I have to fix it. And that's why I'm declaring this "The Summer of Sue and Dad" [shows Mike a big binder photo album book].

Mike: Wow. That's a... big book.

Sue: Yes, it is. And you and I are gonna fill every single page with special memories we make starting now. [snaps picture] ' - Last Whiff of Summer: Part 1


"I am calm confident and in control. I am ready. I am not ready!" - Halloween III The Driving


"This one says "I'm going commando". I don't really get it, but I do support the military. - Halloween III: The Driving


Sue: You're just mad because your girlfriend is out of town.

Axl: She's at a wedding, which is something you'll never be at. I suggest buying a wacky hat and starting your cat collection now.

Sue: That's not even an insult. I love cats! - Valentine's Day IV


Sue: "No! It's rigged!"

Frankie: "It's not rigged Sue."

Sue: "Then how come the wheel of pain always lands in me?"

Mike: "Tonight of life in general?" - Wheel of Pain


I can't loose my party. It's my Sweet 16. It's the only birthday with it's own adjective. - Wheel of Pain


"That punch in the face was a real slap in the face." - Dollar Days


Sue: Did I mention that the examiner said it was the single greatest piece of driving he's ever seen?

Frankie: I'm sure you did great, honey.

Sue: Yeah.

Mike: She did do great. Sue, you're an excellent driver.

Sue: Can I drive the family to Graduation?

Mike: Absolutely not. - The Graduation


Season 5Edit

"I wrote a killer essay called "Leading when no one is looking, listening or letting you". - The Drop Off


Sue: This is so hard. It's like Sophie's choice. My friend Sophie is getting a puppy for her birthday, and she can't decide between a corgi and a beagle.

Frankie: You know, Sue, there's also a movie called "Sophie's Choice".

Sue: Oh, really? Was it about dogs? Was it sad? Oh, wait. Don't spoil it for me. - The Potato


"He is a musician, and a poet, and he can parallel park like nobody's business!" - The 100th


"My american babysitting manual did not prepare me for this!" - The Kiss


"Our house is going to be like a magical Christmas wonderland." - The Christmas Tree


"Oh no, I'm allergic to Christmas!" - The Christmas Tree


Season 6Edit

"I rode the caffeine pony and it took me to the depths of hell. - Major Anxiety


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