Not very fast for a superhero! -Pilot
Sue : Dad said I suck at swimming!
Frankie : Mike!
Mike: And then I bought you a creamcicle -Cheerleader
"What happened, pal?" -The Front Door
Mike: Come on, dad! We have crumby food and TV at our house, too
Mike: What happened?
Rusty : Ah you know the economy
Mike: The economy burned down your house? -Thanksgiving II
"I'm not reecieveing an award for showing up to work everyday. Is this what they're doing now!?" -The Legacy
Frankie: Why do we even bother carving pumpkins aymore?
Mike: The same reason we feed them: habit -Halloween
"How many times do we have to tell you? Mom has eyes on the back of her head! -The Telling
"Not the Colts so I don't want to hear it!"
"There's a job fair in the paper" -Second Act
Sue: Out of all of us, which one is your favorite?
Frankie: So is this the hole that leads to my area?
Mike: No, that hole is your area
Frankie: I still don't get why we need walkies. I've been yelling at you for twenty years!
(marching band plays)
Frankie: Okay! I get it now! -The 100th
"I can put a pillow over her head and we meet at a gas station and make the switch then" -The College Tour
"What is the matter with this family? Why can't we ever get anywhere on time?" -the Graduation
"For every hour you sit here, you get a couch cushion back." -The Loneliest Locker
Mike: Hey, Axl can you pick me up a taco?
Axl: I'm nowhere near the taco place
Mike: are you sure you aren't 0.3 miles away from it? -Find My Hecks
Frankie: Why are you wearing a Hawiian shirt? Are all your 300 flannels in the laundry?
Mike: I just wanted a change
Frankie: Those are words I've been waiting 23 years to hear-The Shirt
"These things don't make you worry less, they make you worry more. That's it! I'm getting these apps off all of these phones... Axl, get these apps off our phones. -Find My Hecks
Rowdy:Are there any helth problems I should be concerned of?
Mike:We probably all have high cholesterol
Rowdy:Yeah, I'm not sure that counts -Escape Orson