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Season 1

Not very fast for a superhero! -Pilot

Sue : Dad said I suck at swimming!

Frankie : Mike!

Mike: And then I bought you a creamcicle -Cheerleader


"What happened, pal?" -The Front Door

Season 2

Mike: Come on, dad! We have crumby food and TV at our house, too

Big Mike: Well that doesn't sound too inviting -Thanksgiving II

Mike: What happened?

Rusty : Ah, you know the economy

Mike: The economy burned down your house? -Thanksgiving II

"I'm not receiving an award for showing up to work everyday. Is this what they're doing now!?" -The Legacy

Frankie: Why do we even bother carving pumpkins aymore?

Mike: The same reason we feed them: habit -Halloween

Season 3

"How many times do we have to tell you? Mom has eyes on the back of her head! -The Telling

Season 4

"There's a job fair in the paper" -Second Act

Sue: Out of all of us, which one is your favorite?

Mike: I pick Axl - Last Whiff of Summer

"How do you suppose Brick is going to bond with phyco bunny?" -Bunny Therapy

Season 5

Frankie: So is this the hole that leads to my area?

Mike: No, that hole is your area

Frankie: I still don't get why we need walkies. I've been yelling at you for twenty years!

(marching band plays)

Frankie: Okay! I get it now! -The 100th

Season 6

"I can put a pillow over her head and we meet at a gas station and make the switch then" -The College Tour

"What is the matter with this family? Why can't we ever get anywhere on time?" -the Graduation

"Whoa! It's like a demilition derby in her mouth!" -Unbraceable You

"For every hour you sit here, you get a couch cushion back." -The Loneliest Locker

Season 7

Mike: Hey, Axl can you pick me up a taco?

Axl: I'm nowhere near the taco place

Mike: are you sure you aren't 0.3 miles away from it? -Find My Hecks

"These things are ruining us. They don't make you worry less, they make you worry more. It used to be you didn't have to worry so much if someone was out at night. You just said a prayer and went to bed. If they didn't come home in the morning, then you would worry. We're done with the tracking. I'm getting these apps off all of these phones... Axl, get these apps off our phones. -Find My Hecks

"We're Protestants; we keep our heads low and try to obey the commendments." -The Man Hunt


Season 8

Rowdy:Are there any health problems I should be concerned of?

Mike:We probably all have high cholesterol 

Rowdy:Yeah, I'm not sure that counts -Escape Orson