Not very fast for a superhero! -Pilot
Sue : Dad said I suck at swimming!
Frankie : Mike!
Mike: And then I bought you a creamcicle -Cheerleader
"What happened, pal?" -The Front Door
Mike: Come on, dad! We have crumby food and TV at our house, too
Mike: What happened?
Rusty : Ah, you know the economy
Mike: The economy burned down your house? -Thanksgiving II
"I'm not receiving an award for showing up to work everyday. Is this what they're doing now!?" -The Legacy
Frankie: Why do we even bother carving pumpkins aymore?
Mike: The same reason we feed them: habit -Halloween
"How many times do we have to tell you? Mom has eyes on the back of her head! -The Telling
"There's a job fair in the paper" -Second Act
Sue: Out of all of us, which one is your favorite?
Frankie: So is this the hole that leads to my area?
Mike: No, that hole is your area
Frankie: I still don't get why we need walkies. I've been yelling at you for twenty years!
(marching band plays)
Frankie: Okay! I get it now! -The 100th
"I can put a pillow over her head and we meet at a gas station and make the switch then" -The College Tour
"What is the matter with this family? Why can't we ever get anywhere on time?" -the Graduation
"For every hour you sit here, you get a couch cushion back." -The Loneliest Locker
Mike: Hey, Axl can you pick me up a taco?
Axl: I'm nowhere near the taco place
Mike: are you sure you aren't 0.3 miles away from it? -Find My Hecks
"These things are ruining us. They don't make you worry less, they make you worry more. It used to be you didn't have to worry so much if someone was out at night. You just said a prayer and went to bed. If they didn't come home in the morning, then you would worry. We're done with the tracking. I'm getting these apps off all of these phones... Axl, get these apps off our phones. -Find My Hecks
"We're Protestants; we keep our heads low and try to obey the commendments." -The Man Hunt
Rowdy:Are there any health problems I should be concerned of?
Mike:We probably all have high cholesterol
Rowdy:Yeah, I'm not sure that counts -Escape Orson