Season 1

Sue: Mom!

Frankie: Mike

Mike: Axl   -Pilot

Brick: I wish I could stay home and watch TV and have you make me soup.

Frankie: Sorry honey, wrong family. - The Floating Anniversary

This is an outrage. If you're gonna shut off the power, do it at the top of the hour before I'm already hooked on "Conveyer Belt of Love". - TV or Not TV

"That's his plan! Turn us aginst each other so that we lose track of time!" -TV or No TV

"Nobody's dying! Your dad and I just wanted to sit down at the table as a family." -Siblings

Season 2

  • Mike: What are you doing? 

        Frankie: What does it look like I'm doing? I'm rocking a piece of our grandchild! - The Big Chill

"Whoever knew that 'I love you' could be the biggest flop at a Thanksgiving dinner ever!" Thanksgiving II

Frankie: Why do we even bother carving pumpkins aymore?

Mike: The same reason we feed them: habit -Halloween

Season 3

  • Frankie: Stop it, you two! You're ruining Battle Boggleopoly! - Forced Family Fun
  • "Look at us, we're two chicks going out for a drive. Like Bonnie and Clyde, at least in the beginning.. actually don't watch that movie"

Season 4

  • I feel like I'm starting to sound crazy. But someone who knows they're crazy isn't really crazy, right? Like Hitler. - The Friend
  • Frankie: Who buys a person yellow pants?! Did I say pants? Did I say YELLOW pants? Did anyone hear me say, YELLOW PANTS?! - Hallelujah Hoedown
  • " I want the Back Master 2000. They sell it at Brickstone for $40. Get me the yellow one with the infared rolling balls." -'Hallelujah Hoedown
  • "That's sure a mighty fine thing you've done" - The Hose

Season 5

  • Your dad's wearing a belt he found on a park bench, we're not givign you any more money. - Change in the Air
  • I TOLD you not to let me stay up and watch House Hunters International! - The Carpool

Frankie: So is this the hole that leads to my area?

Mike: No, that hole is your area

Frankie: I still don't get why we need walkies. I've been yelling at you for twenty years!

(marching band plays)

Frankie: Okay! I get it now! -The 100th

Season 6

"Why couldn't the first one be a yes!? -The Waiting Game

Season 7

"Didn't you love it when they were all squishy and helpless and we could love on them whenever we wanted?" -The Wisdom Teeth

"We're not to the root kind of people. Our lives are bring held together by all the grit and grime" -The Shirt

"We've got a truckload of problems, ten cent beer, and a purseful of change, baby!" -Survey Says...

"This is an idea coming from the guy who invented unibra: you can fit two boobs in one." -Risky Business


Season 8

"It's easy to do something you like doing for someone, but something you hate, that's love.

Mike: There's a million things you can buy for a woman, but men are harder

Frankie:That just makes your choice of an inflatable foot bath much better -Hoosier Maid